Oh look links, how cute.

- To help facilitate a comeback, a sober Lindsay Lohan decided that she needed to expand on the dozens...uh few hundred...people she had already showed her goods to. In NY Magazine, Ms. Lohan will be recreating Marilyn Monroe's last nude photo shoot. She may be a skank, but she's a damn good looking one. Links are both to Defamer and NY Mag. Hi res pics on WWTDD.

- The last time I saw 5 white dudes on a basketball court, all on the same team, was a movie starring Gene Hackman and Dennis Hopper. No word on if the picket fence was run or not.

- Former First Lady Nancy Reagan was hospitalized in LA over the weekend, due to a fall. Mrs. Reagan is doing well. She is 86 years old.

- From Idolator. Apparently it hasn't been long enough since R. Kelly pissed on a 13 year old girl that people have forgotten. R. Kelly had an affair with his former publicists daughter, who is reported to be above age, and her parents are pissed, (pun definately intended). Hmmm, must've been during school hours. Zing!

- Presidential hopeful Barack Obama has been criticized for plagiarizing a speech during a campaign stop this past weekend and not being upfront about it. See the comparison below, and here.

The modern day hot foot.

I'm not one who likes to give any praise to anything Philadelphia Phillies, but this is pretty funny. Resident baseball douschbag Brett Myers apparently likes to set up pranks when not pitching, or hitting women.

Phillie Assistant GM Ruben Amaro Jr. and Manager Charlie Manuel, helped Myers to set up pitcher Kyle Kendrick by telling him that he was traded to the Japanese powerhouse Yomiuri Giants for a player named "Kobayashi Iwamura."

The quote Myers, they got Kendrick "hook, line, and sinker," even though trades between MLB and international leagues are prohibited. Props to the media, Kendricks agent, and othe rplayers involved for pulling this off. Even more props to Brett Myers who apparently didn't verbally assault anybody, call anybody a retard, or hit a woman during the duration of this prank. Great restraint Brett, class act all the way.

See the prank below.

America's Got Taste

Paris Hiltons new movie, "the Hottie and the Nottie" made a total of $27,696 during the first three days of its release. It was released on 111 screens, and with my superior math skills I conclude that that comes out to about $250 per screen.

This has been widely panned as one of the worst movies ever made, but it's not like horrific reviews has ever stopped people from going to see a flick. I'm hoping this is the bell ringing on the public's tolerance of Paris Hilton, meaning that idiots everywhere woke up from a deep sleep with the revelation, "why do I continue to pay attention to this pampered, slutty, idiotic, stupid, moronic, ungrateful, annoying, tramp?"

More importantly, who are the freaks that collectively spent this $27K? Do we have to keep them alive? Isn't this enough evidence to prove that they are a danger to our society? We should cancel deer hunting season, and from here on out hunt Paris Hilton fans and supporters. Man, that'd be fun. I'd finally have a reason to buy a gun.

Owen Wilson is funny.

Below is a clip of Owen Wilson guest hosting the Ellen show. This might be the first time anything on the Ellen show made anybody laugh. Good job Owen, great to see your back on your feet.

Democrats Hate Baseball

If anyone wasted 4 hours like myself there were a couple major points you could pull out of the congressional hearings of Roger Clemens.

1. Members of the Republican party love Roger. They spent the entire hearing beating up Mr. MacNamara and destroying his credibility.

2. Now that Roger has left baseball "gotten off the secret sauce" he is looking chubby.

3. Andy Petitte is no longer on Rogers Christmas list.

4. I can only begin to imagine the cost of this mess on capital hill, not in Roger's credibility but to us as tax payers.

We blew millions of dollars for 2 guys to spend 4 hours saying "No you are the liar!" Call your local political rep., and let them know that you dont appreciate your tax dollars spent on questions like, "What uniform will you where into the hall of fame?"

In good news the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue has been released this week. What makes the issue so great is no longer the images, but rather the men and women who subscribe to SI and immediately write to Sports Illustrated to cancel their subscription. And to those 5 people I will laugh at next issue; Cheers!

The bigger boat in the sky.

Roy Scheider, a one-time boxer whose broken nose and pugnacious acting style made him a star in "The French Connection" and who later uttered one of cinematic history's most memorable lines in "Jaws," has died. He was 75.

Scheider earned two Academy Award nominations — a best-supporting nod for 1971's "The French Connection" in which he played the police partner of Oscar winner Gene Hackman, and a best-actor nomination for 1979's "All That Jazz," the semi-autobiographical Bob Fosse film.
But he was perhaps best known for his role as a small-town police chief in Steven Spielberg's 1975 film "Jaws," about a killer shark terrorizing beachgoers — as well as millions of moviegoers.
In 2005, one of Scheider's most famous lines in the movie — "You're gonna need a bigger boat" — was voted No. 35 on the American Film Institute's list of best quotes from U.S. movies.

You can talk Jaws all you want, but I will always think of Scheider as Capt. Nathaniel Brideger from SeaQuest DSV. Hey, never underestimate a bearded guy with a pet dolphin.

Please don't go to rehab.....please!!!

Amy Winehouse is a train wreck extraordinaire. Her performance was the highlight of this past weekend's Grammy awards. If you haven't had the chance to see this phenomenal performance, see below.

I like Amy Winehouse's music, a lot. Add that amazing voice to an out of control wack job and you have a great live performance. I would say that she is Britney Spears with talent, but I think it's more like Britney is Amy Winehouse without the talent. Regardless, at the end of the day both lovely ladies make you feel good about your life.

Before you watch, a few quick notes. Why is Cuba Gooding Jr introducing her? How bad is the Grammy's that the best performance is coming from 3,000 miles away. I'm not sure who has more rhythm, her back-up singers, or her stumbling. Finally, what the hell was with the 5 seconds of Morris Day & The Time at the end of Rehanna's performance? What a joke. Those dudes have soul,and know how to work a stage.

Amy Winehouse performs at '08 Grammys
by TheDlisted

Oh, sweet misery.

Forbes.com released it's list of America's Most Miserable Cities. Topping the list is Detroit, Stockton, CA, and Flint, MI.

Wow, so Michigan is doing real well, with two of the top three cities on this list. The larger ciies that appear on this list are New York City, Philadelphia, Chicago, and Los Angeles. The main reasons that these cities appear on this list is commuting time and the digustingly high real estate prices......amen and amen. Providence, Charlotte, and Modesto, CA round out this fantastic list.

I think this list is pretty damn accurate. I'm the proof in the pudding. Try commuting 45 minutes each way, giving up a whole paycheck to a landlord, and then walk around with a big ole smile on your face. I swear, the laughter comes pouring out of you.

More hot and wet primary action.

Over the weekend it was the job of voters in Kansas, Washington State, Nebraska, Louisiana, and a very special Democrats only primary in Maine. Ooooh, so exclusive. Here are some links.

For the lack of a better term, Obama has wiped the floor with the former first lady. He gave her the proverbial bitch slap, and apparently took the lead in the Democratic primary race. He won Maine!!! You can check out Politico.com for the jist on yesterday, and the win in Maine today.

Huckabee won Kansas. Surprise!! The guy who doesn't believe in evolution won the state that voted against teaching the theory of evolution. See Wonkette.

After a rough weekend Hillary is shaking up her coaching staff, including her campaign manager. When shit goes wrong, you don't fire the players, you fire the head coach.

Cable hottie.....

Olivia Munn is a "actress", model, and the host of G4 TV’s Attack of the Show!, and an all-around hot chick.

For those not familiar, G4 is E! for so-called geeks. They provide coverage of the annual Comic-Con, which is an international comic book convention, and various Tech and Video Game trade show/conventions, and offer programming geared towards the 17-35 year old male. Of course the programming is littered with good looking broads who seem to know, or at least pretend to know, their way around a Playstation controller, such as Morgan Webb, Layla Kayleigh, and Kristin Holt. It's a solid channel, but lets get back to the lovely Olivia Munn.

Ms. Munn, or should I say the future Mrs. Fine, will appear on the cover of this month's Complex magazine. The photshoot is Olivia Munn recreating memorable poses/moments from some memorable movies. Such as the Phoebe Cates pool scene from Fast Times, and anything Kelly LeBrock from Weird Science. You can see the whole gallery here.

The beauty of the current state of cable television is that there are way too many channels, and there's a sea of "talented" women chomping at the bit to get their shot. Of course some of these ladies are intelligent and know what they're talking about, but let's be serious here. Most of these ladies on the fringe, upper-100/200, channels are great looking wind tunnels that can read from a tele-prompter, and have no problem feigning interest to the second rate Ryan Seacrest standing next to them. From the Reality Channel, to the Jewelry Channel, to Versus, to the Fine Living Channel, there are enough openings for skanks to go around.

While we're on the topic, Complex did a pretty good interview with Ice Cube, check it out.

What the eff....???

If you have yet to take a shower today the video below will be your motivation. In fact you might want to substitute the soap and a washcloth with bleach and steel wool.



For more awesomely creepy fun and excitement you can check out more videos with these highly trained thespians here.

Nah, the NFL don't stop......

There are various ways to prove that the NFL and MLB are the top two leagues. Whether it's TV ratings, the high number of fantasy teams/leagues, player endorsements, and of course off-season popularity.

The MLB hot stove, free agent market, is highly entertaining and due to the lack of a salary cap trading is a more frequent occurance, which adds drama to the months leading to spring trading. There's not many trades within football and due to shorter careers, NFL rarely has that high profle free agent drama. But the NFL does have a highly popular, immediate impact draft. It's not even a week after the New York Giants won the championship in one of the more entertaining Super Bowls, yet the NFL draft experts are in full swing. Tom Coughlin, the head coach of the Giants, had said himself that he, his coaching staff, and the front office, won't get a chance to fully enjoy the post-season success until they get through the draft.

Scouts, Inc. Todd McShay is a bad hair incident away from taking Mel Kiper Jr.'s job as NFL draft expert.......which I'm sure many already think it's already his. His mock draft is here, you need to be a ESPN Insider to read it, fyi. Hey why not join, with a subscription you also get the worlds worst sports magazing in the mail...but I digress.

McShay likes Matt Ryan, the Boston College QB, as the first pick in the draft going to the Dolphins. Witht he normal cast of characters accompanying Ryan at the top of the draft such as Darren McFadden, Chris Long, Jake Long, and Glenn Dorsey.

The afforementioned Kiper, has the same crew at the top of his big board, just with McFadden going number 1.

Even more off-season speculation can be found on Yahoo! Sports, with off-seaon questions posed by Charles Robinson, and Mike Florio from the SportingNews makes 10 bold predictions.

My favorite prediction is #7, that Jerry Jones will make a big splash. Two things have been proven in the NFL, a run first QB will not win you a Super Bowl, and drastic off-season changes do not automatically turn into a Super Bowl ring. Like most football fans, I hate Jerry Jones and his Cowboys, and outside of this years Giant play-off run, nothing is sweeter than watching his "face-lifted" expression when his team loses.

It's called LOST for a reason.....

I'm glad the producers of LOST got the end date for the series that they needed. This is a show that needs structure and direction. Every episode where nothing happens, where questions is answered, and more questions are presented is a waste of time.

Season 4 has hit the ground running. I've pretty much given up on trying to figure out what's going on. Just about every theory that was formed during season 1 and 2 has pretty much been debunked. I believe there are 46 episodes remaining, which leaves a lot of time for any of the current theories to be thrown out the window as well.

I've been liking the flash forwards, the introduction of new characters, and the "24" stance they have taken regarding the characters. We know that Jack, Hurley, and Kate leave the island with 3 others, but aside from that, no character is safe.

Here's a link the the Entertainment Weekly weekly recap, and also to http://www.4815162342.com/, which has forums you can read through or join if you like. Anybody with theories, or guesses, please let me know, or leave within the comments. One to think on that somebody brought up to me today, Benjamin's man on the boat is Michael and/or Walt.

My god, you know a show is good when it turns manly, bearded, beer drinking, sport fans such as myself into an obseessed geek.

At least we have Reality TV......

Since I was a young pup TV has been a faithful companion, and even with alcohol and degenrate lifestyles being introduced to me over the past 15 years, I still find time to hug my TV set and give thanks. Here are some TV related links.

Entertainment Weekly has a list of "30 TV Shows You'd Bring Back from the Grave", which includes some personal favorites. Off this list I'd go with.......

- The greatest show ever Freaks & Geeks. It's pretty amazing to see how this cast blew-up. From starring in big time TV hits, (ER and How I Met Your Mother) to the Judd Apatow - the show's creator for you simpleton's - gravy train (Knocked-Up, Superbad, 40 year Old Virgin), and of course James Franco, starring in all three Spiderman movies.

- Arrested Development, 2nd greatest show ever.

- Rome, even though I had no real problem with it ending before it became to drawn out and boring.

- My So-Called Life, Jared Leto and Claire Danes before they become unbearable.

- Boomtown, blew most cop shows out of the water, great cast...yes even with the Wahlberg, who I'm actually a fan of. The premise of this show is the same as that new movie with Dennis Quaid and Matthew Fox, Vantage Point . Showing the crime committed from all points of view, cops, victim, and the perp. Good times.

- Jack & Bobby, which had a good premise, just not sure it could have sustained a full run.

Shows not on this list that should be are;

- Firefly, see the movie Serenity if you never heard of this show. Watching that flick almost inspired me to start a e-mail campaign begging for this shows reinstatement. But then I realized I was lazy.

- John Doe, starring that dude who now plays Lincoln on Prison Break. It had a "Lost meets The Fugitive" feel to it, unfortunately they couldn't figure out what to do with it.

-Homicide: Life in the Street, before The Wire, this show depicted the the hardened streets of Baltimore, plus it was extemely entertaining. Showcased some top talent such as Andre Braugher.

-Help Me Help You, with Ted Danson as a self-involved Pyshiatrist. Hard to go through what made this show so damn funny. Whatever it was, it made me chuckle.

The missing links.....

Check this stuff out and ogle this hot skank, model Katie Price - better know as Jordan, when you get a second. If you've never heard of her, in terms of tabloid exposure she's kind of like a British Paris Hilton, except without the trust fund and all that personality.

Deadspin has fun with those arrogant bastards, the New England Patriots. And while we're on the topic, Giant fans check out this pic, and here's that ridiculous catch below.

Britney Spears will be on the cover of the new Rolling Stone, titled an American Tragedy. This, without a doubt, will be the highest selling issue of the year. I find the Spears downward spiral to be nothing short of fascinating.

I'm not a Maxim fan by any means, but this list they did on Maxim Online regarding the Statue of Liberty is pretty interesting, and considering they are not dipicting Lady Liberty with a second rate bikini model wearing a green bikini and holding a torch, it's very un-Maxim of them.

I'm a huge Howard Stern Show fan, and you should be as well. If not, then you obviously have a terrible sense of humor, and suck at life. Howard TV is having a preview, check it out. The info is right here.

Shaq rising from the ashes.

The Phoenix Suns acquired Shaquille O'Neal in a stunning, blockbuster deal that sent four-time All-Star Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks to the Miami Heat. The improbable pairing of the speedy Suns and the slow but once-mighty O'Neal became official when he cleared a physical exam Wednesday.

The Suns' Amare Stoudemire is a friend of O'Neal and talked to him about his new team.

"He says he's ready to roll," Stoudemire said. "Whatever he needs to do he's going to be down for it, and he wants to win a championship, so we're on the same page." O'Neal was to be introduced at a news conference Thursday. He has averaged 25.6 points and 11.5 rebounds in his 14-plus NBA seasons.

I wish I still cared about the NBA, then I might get excited about this. To be fair, this does make the Western Conference race to the top a hell of a lot more interesting. As far as my list of interesting things to watch, with this Shaq trade, the NBA jumps from 55 to 49. Leap-frogging hermaphrodite porn and Mr. Roger reruns.

Bonnaroo...It's a marsupial.

The line-up for the Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival has been announced, you can find it here.

Tickets for the seventh annual Bonnaroo go on sale Saturday, February 16 at 12pm EST though http://www.bonnaroo.com/. Also there will be an exclusive 2008 commemorative festival DVD available for purchase when you get your tickets. Hippies and hipsters, start that drum roll and get ready to migrate to Manchester, TN from June 12-15.

The line-up is pretty diverse, which is leading me to believe that the summer festival circuit is now completely unashamed of it's commercial ways. Look, I'm not going to stand on a soap box and scream about the evils of capitalism, but you have to admit that we've slightly drifted from the path of "music equals love" that Woodstock and the Monterey Arts Festival (which introduced the world to Janis Joplin and Hendrix amongst others), had created.

Acts such as Pearl Jam and Jack Johnson headline the line-up, along with Metallica, who isn't normally the choice of the granola, touring scene. The interaction of the naked-because-I-can-be hippie chicks, and the protoypical "metal or die" Metallica fan should be fun. Hey, I like Metallica, and I think some of there stuff is phenomenal, but I just don't see it. It's vibes clashing.

Other acts that jump out at you are perrenials the Allman Brothers, Jack White side project The Raconteurs, brand new alt-rock darlings Vampire Weekend (whose album is awesome, fyi), and hip-hop acts like Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, and summer festival vet, Talib Kweli. There will also be some comics on hand, as part of Bonnarro Comedy, such as Zach Galifinakis and David Cross.

The big rumor has always been that Led Zeppelin would stage a reunion show. Which makes sense, because everybody wants to see there rock idols whithered, with one foot in the grave. Ahem, mickandkeith, ahem.

Actually, all-girl Zeppelin cover band Lez Zeppelin will be performing....which is just as good, no? Have no fear, Robert Plant will be in attendance, teaming up with bluegrass chantress Allison Krauss. I find this interesting and would go to see them if they weren't performing deep in the heart of Tennessee. Life south of Maryland frightens me a bit. Maybe it's the illiteracy, droves of hillbillies in overalls walking the streets without shoes, fat guys in white suits drinking mint julips, and that good ole fashioned entrenched racism that just warms my heart so.

Or it could just be that god-awful heat.

Shock the World

The New York Giants have won Super Bowl XLII by beating the New England Patriots 17-14. The Giants were the only team to beat the Patriots this year, upsetting what would have been a dream undefeated season for New England. The last undefeated season was in 1972, accomplished by the Miami Dolphins.

The Giants began the year 0-2, with both their Quarterback and Head Coach under huge scrutinty, and a Defense that opened the season by giving up 80 points in those two games. Fast forward 4 months and you saw a completely different team. The much maligned Eli Manning was poised and confident, leading an offense that made some spectacular plays. Head Coach Tom Coughlin out-coached the evil genius of Bill Belicheck. The Giant Defense came out and played at a level that no offense could overcome, not even this record setting offensive juggernaut that is the New England Patriots. Kudo's to that Giant secondary, they have been long considered the way to beat that Giant D, and they stepped up huge this game. Shut down coverage combined with a ferocious pass rush equals a scary defensive performance.

I'm still on cloud 9 with this win. The streets of NYC (where 2seamer is based) where insane following this game. I've never been part of a mob before, and I have to say, it's pretty damn fun. If you know of any mobs, please let me know. I have my torch and pitchfork ready to go.

Yanks Trump Mets With.............Ensberg? (OH BOY)

Today the Yankees took another page out of past mistakes and signed another washed up 30 something to play first base. I cant wait to hear the people hyping the fact this late 30 something once hit over thirty homers and how dangerous he will be in a yankee uniform. As a die hard yankee fan once again they have taken this week and played my emotions like only an Asian could at your local massage studio, leaving you wanting just a little more and later realizing, boy that was a bad idea! Now the yankees have 3 washed up first basemen that all had their best years with a little cream and clear flwoing through their veins. Besides one performance enhanced year (ALLEGEDLY) he has been no better than your token 250 hitter with 12 home runs. On that note Lee que the hotty to the left.

I command you to follow these links....please.

Some more shit...sorry, stuff...from around the world that is the wide web. This chick to the right, her name is Danielle Lloyd, the former Miss Great Britain 2006. She was stripped of her title, and apparently she's bat-shit crazy which of course makes her 5 times hotter.

From Deadspin, more fun with Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson. Oh man, when will this magical roller-coaster ride ever end!??!?!!? Aren't they just the most.

Armchair GM, with great fore site, has clips of this years Super Bowl simulated via the greatest video game ever, Tecmo Bowl.

Rudy Guliani, the former Mayor of NYC and once hailed as America's Mayor, will formally announce that he is pulling out of the Presidential race. He will endorse John McCain, which I'm sure is a nice way of saying, "Hey Johnny, throw my in as VP when you get the nod and I can really hype up the 9/11 stuff."

Below is Republican Congressman Chris Shays planting a very supple peck on President's Bushes cheek. I can hear the Bill Maher jokes a mile away.