Don Shula is cranky.

Earlier in the week, when speaking about the undefeated Patriots, Don Shula said "(The NFL's punishments) tells you the seriousness or significance of what they found. I guess you got the same thing as putting an asterisk by Barry Bonds' home run record."

It seems that Mr. Shula is pretty convinced that the Patriots have a significant shot at going undefeated, and wants to get an early jab in, as to protect his 1972 undefeated team and it's standing amongst the greatest of all time.

Well, somebody needs to change their adult diaper. Don Shula coached for over 30 years in the NFL and has clung to that undefeated 1972 season for over 20 years. I imagine Shula went to bed around 5:45, somewhere in the mid-2nd Q, thinking his undefeated season was safe, only to awake to urinate for the 10th time that evening and find out that the Pats pulled out the win. He must have been so grumpy that morning, the nurses probably had to pry open his mouth to feed him his mashed peas and dehydrated milk. Old people can be so annoying at times.

Play like a 1 win team, oh I mean Champion today.....A Rant from an Irish fan.

Oh how the mighty gold has become oh so tarnished this college football season. The once proud Fighting Irish have officially fallen to the levels of UB Bulls, SU Orangemen and Iowa State Cyclones.

Folks the Irish are just plain bad. And with absolutely no excuse! A 1-8 record is acceptable at a school where football is the warm up for college basketball but not at the Universtiy of Notre Dame. And who is to blame? Well Charlie, let's step to the plate. Weiss has done a magnificent job up to this point complimenting the awe-inspiring play of every oppenent the mighty Irish have faced this year. By the looks of Weiss during his press conferences you would think that they finished last year battling through the likes of Hofstra and William & Mary.

The harsh reality is that Wiess has done an awful job of holding himself and his players accountable. I guess the teams listed on the schedule did not get the memo that they were playing the mighty Notre Dame, coached by the great Charlie Wiess. Notre Dame has played uninspired and lifeless football with a bunch of primidonna players. Giving up over 40 points to a bunch of guys that will have career in Military while running the most primitive of all offenses the power I and wing T is humiliating. I believe most high schools run a more complicated offense in comparison to the midshipmen. Currently Wiess and his staff are holding 3 players on Defense likely to be gone on the first day of the draft (Laws, Zibakowski and Crum) has to be a direct reflection on coaching or lack there of.

So Mr. Weiss, here is my plea; Can we please find roughly 30 players that are willing to leave their High School entourage at the door and realize that they start in South bend with a "what have done for me lately" mentality. By the way has anyone scene what a great job Ty Willingham has done at Washington with a young quarterback. If stats can tell a story, here we go: Wiess (1-8) Willingham (3-6), Clausen (ND) (7 games) (-138 rushing) thats correct he has a minus in front of the number, that means he is on his back because of Poor O-line play, (618 Passing) and a whopping total of 68.6 yards per game. Jake locker (8 games) (791 rushing) (1680 Passing) and a total of 274 yards per game. So who is the quarterbacks Guru?

Note from Lee: Charlie Weis has a weird crotch-stomach thing going on, it's very 80-year-old-woman. As for as Jimmy Clausen, who let the Dousch-Bag out of the house.....calm it down killah, you look like you just drank an O.E., date raped a 15 year old, all while rapping a Lil' Wayne song to yourself. The hair says it all....class act all the way.

900 King Strikes Again

Hopefully all of you knuckleheads went with the Million Dollar Man yesterday and loaded up on the "Six - Kings". John Anthony roasting your bookie and padding your purses, yet again. LT was "bolted" to the turf as A-Pet ran loose for 296. Smarten Up kiddies, when the 900 King brings the heat, you better ride the wave. I know the teams better than the teams know themselves.

Tom Brady is better than you.

The New England Patriots beat the Indianapolis Colts by the scored of 24-20, by way of two late 4th quarter Tom Brady TD passes. The win keeps the Patriots (9-0) on course for the NFL's first unbeaten season since Miami did it 1972 and gives them the first tiebreaker over Indianapolis (7-1) in the AFC playoffs.

"This is the first time we were in a ballgame late, there wasn't any loss of confidence or determination." said Patriot QB Tom Brady. This was the first game of the season that the Patriots had trailed in the fourth quarter. They have beaten its previous eight opponents by an average of 25 points a game.

And yet another shining moment in the world of Tom Brady. So let's see, 3 Super Bowl rings, a Super Bowl MVP, and bangs hot women like it's in his contract. I wouldn't be surprised if Tom Brady's hair can cure cancer. Seriously though, at what point does Brady officially become a deity? I need to know because I have to clear some time in my incredibly hectic schedule to bow down and pray. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the Super Bowl rings on his fingers or the stench of super-model on his fingers.

Plaaaa-offs ?? Plaaaa-offs ??

Another Note from Lee: This site likes gambling, and we like good looking people. So we'll also be featuring the shirtless wonder's lock of the week. Again, entertainment purposes only so don't come suing our ass because you actually listened to us.......That means you Mom.

From New York, to L.A., to Tokyo, to San Fran, John Anthony, the Million Dollar Man is here to save your gambling woes. I don't want your money, I want your bookie's money. You can bet your children's unborn children's children on it.

This weekend, the "Six Kings" (Hippo, Chef, Nothing, of Swing, Pizzeria, and of course James) will take their #1 rushing defense and stuff it in the Bolts area where the sun don't shine. Don't expect to get any "royal" treatment from LT you fellow fantasy junkies as he will be wearing the Queens dress three yards behind scrimmage. You heard it here, knuckleheads. Happy Times, Great Success, Chenqui.....

......and the winner is.

Since we've quickly run up to the ranks of greatest website ever, we've decided that we don't need a formal banquet to hand out the hardware, and a post is sufficient. Here are our winners.......

AL MVP - Alex Rodriguez - As much as you might dislike that golden personality of A-Rod, you cannot deny that he was beyond incredible at times during the season with 54 HR's and 156 RBI's. Post-season aside, his worst performance had to be in Toronto. Look Alex, your worth $250 million, you can afford a better standard of mistress. Skanky blonde's are for guys from Long Island that make $75K or less.

NL MVP - Jimmy Rollins - I'm a Met fan. I bleed Keith Hernandez. I would love to be putting down David Wright, who had a great season, but Rollins carried that Phillie team. 31 HR's and 41 SB's, he was a force at the top of that line-up. He did however relinquish his hold on corn-rows. Nook Logan came from nowhere to lead the league in gangsta appeal.

AL CY Young - Josh Beckett - With 20 W's, a 3.25 ERA in the American League, and just under 200K's, Beckett as defined himself as the money pitcher this season. He also looks his age and isn't 40 pounds overweight. In the era of fat pitchers and guys who look like they came straight from getting drunk off of Boone's at their prom, it's refreshing to see a normal athlete on the mound.

NL Cy Young - Brandon Webb - Jake Peavy did win one more game (19 to Webb's 18) and had a better ERA (2.54 to Webb's 3.01), but I like Webb's ace appeal and scoreless inning streak. He's a true #1, stops losing streaks, and very rarely leaves a game w/o giving his team a chance to win. Amongst the NL, there are very few pitchers I'd rather have to start a big game.

AL Rookie of the Year - Hideki Okajima - I'm not a huge fan of giving the Rookie of the Year award to 30 year old Japanese imports, but I think this is well deserved. Oki posted a 2.22 ERA and a 0.97 WHIP, which is ridiculous. Plus, he probably has a bead on the best massage joints in every AL city. Bored in Tampa? Kansas City? Just follow Oki.......

NL Rookie of the Year - Ryan Braun - This is pretty much a toss-up, but Joe Buck and McCarver basically inducted Tulowitzki into the Hall of Fame during the World Series broadcast, so eff him and his dumb name/face.

AL Manager of the Year - Joe Torre - Had over a dozen starting pitchers, half being rookies, and a relief staff that was as stable as carrying plutonium in a paper cup. He was helped by career years from Posada and A-Rod, but nobody ever factors in dealing with the NY media. It's a seperate job onto itself, and is a requirement to manage in this city. Joe mastered it, Willy is on his way, Bobby V never did, and Girardi will be interesting to watch.

NL Manager of the Year - Ned Yost - Milwaukee is a year ahead of schedule, and Yost is a big part of that reason. He had an inexperienced core group of guys, coupled with middle of the road role players, and a oft injured make-shift pitching staff, but contended until the very end. There's nothing in Milwauklee...absolutely nothing!! I've been there on a lay-over, in 4 hours I gained 25 pounds and got a chick pregnant. Ah, the midwest.

The Dawg Don't Know Shit

Note from Lee: Okay folks, to spice up this top-ranked blog, Twoseamer contributer Parnell, or Grims, will be picking against The Dawger. The winner gets nothing from us, just a little run around from their respective bookies. Meant for entertainment purposes only of course.....

Let's Start Making Some Money Bloggers...

I feel bad for anyone who put their hard earned money on The Dawg's picks last week. That has motivated, and believe you me it takes a lot to do that, me to give the fans of this great new blog some prospective from a true gambler. Let me preface my experience by saying that I have bet more money in a 3 day stretch than any of you make in a year. When I'm laying my hard earned cash on games, I would bet the exact opposite of my plays. However, its thursday and I am picking with a clear head and a clean slate with my bookie.

Now the only real game that matter this week is Indy vs New England...I just hope it lives up to the hype. However, in a gamblers world the quality of the teams really doesn't matter as long as there is a spread. So here we go...

Washington Redskins at NY Jets (+3.5) Take this one from an expert with a couple Redskin fans in the family, they are not good enough to cover a spread on the road. PICK: Jets

Green Bay Packers at Kansas City Chiefs (-1.5) The Chefs, yes its misspelled intentionally...remember the old school commercials people, are getting back to their old form and are tough at home. Lets face it the Pack can't run. PICK: Chiefs

Arizona Cardinals at Tampa Bay Bucs (-3.5) Wow, I can't think of a game I would want to watch least that doesn't include the Bills. PICK: Who cares...fine take the Bucs

Carolina Panthers at Tenn Titans (-4) The bottom line is Vince Young just wins games. However they never win by more than 3. PICK: Carolina

San Fran 49ers at Atlanta Falcons (-3) I take back what I said about the Cardinals/Bucs game. These teams make me proud to be a Dolphins fan. PICK: Falcons

Jacksonville Jags at New Orleans Saints (-3) I think the Saints are finally righting the ship and getting back to their old form. The Jags are not a playoff team in the AFC and I believe their decline starts now. PICK: Saints

Denver Broncos at Detroit Lions (-3) I can't bring myself to believe that Kitna wasn't out of his mind when he said they would win 10 games this year. PICK: Broncos

San Diego Chargers at Minn Vikings (+7) LT on turf, that should be fun. He is going to show Peterson exactly what an NFL running back should be. PICK: Chargers

Seattle Seahawks at Cleveland Browns (-1) I consider the NFC the equivalent to the NL in baseball, the minor leagues. So I will take an extremely mediocre AFC team at home to beat an NFC playoff team. PICK: Browns

Houston Texans at Oakland Raiders (-3) Did Oakland burn away in the wild fires Dawg or were they too far north. Either way I don't think the Raiders can outscore the A's, and that is sad. PICK: Texans

Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles (+3) All I know is that Andy Reids kid could score some great shit. I'm gonna miss those parties and I think the Eagles are going to miss being out of the cellar in the NFC east because their going to be there a while. PICK: Cowboys

New England Patriots at Indianapolis Colts (+5.5) This line embarrasses me. The Colts are a better team and at home. Brady can run up the score on hapless defenses, but it won't happen against this Colts D. Take the Colts with the points and on the money line. PICK: Colts

Baltimore Ravens at Pittsburgh Steelers (-9) I really hate Steeler fans. There annoying and they all have the same simultaneous cheer every time they pick up 3 yards. I'll take the points just so I can root against them. PICK: Ravens

Martina Hingis is friggin' awesome.

My former pretend girlfriend, Martina Hingis, the five-time Grand Slam champion revealed Thursday she tested positive for cocaine at Wimbledon, and will retire for a second time rather than fight what she called a "horrendous" accusation.

"I am frustrated and angry," the 27-year-old Hingis said at a news conference in Zurich, Switzerland, her voice breaking as she fought back tears. "I believe that I am absolutely, 100 percent innocent." She read a prepared statement ending with the vow, "I have never taken drugs," then left without taking questions.

I'm not sure what the big deal is considering all great athlete's love cocaine. From Lawrence Taylor to Doc Gooden to Len Bias (man, we really went down hill from there)....point is, who cares. What we should be talking about is how she still looks phenomenal and any German stalker in his right mind should have been rushing the court with a machete the minute she took the court at Wimbledon. In related news, I just checked with our legal department and apparently I'm immune to restraining orders. Happy day.

Torre Going Hollywood

In the great migration from the Bronx, Joe Torre has made the best move a manager could by looking to take over the Los Angeles Dodgers. The Yankee legend is now given the opportunity to take over a franchise mired in mediocrity over the past decade and try to revive a once proud franchise. Looking at the opportunity the commoner would say "Joe what are you doing?" To me the move is absolutely genius!

Torre is now given the opportunity to pull talent to arguably one of the most attractive markets in the country, and when I mention attractive it is not in sporting reference, ahem...lips implants. How could any high profile free agent argue with the opportunity to move to L.A. and play under a manager with a laize fair mentality. Joe has the mentality to fit perfectly into an L.A. scene with a script already with the story board in creation. It will only be a matter of time until we see Joe is asking for a divorce after being spotted at the Ivey for lunch after a hard night of partying at Tau with the Beckham's, Lohan, and Twoseamer contributer Dawger.

So please keep a watch on those droopy eyes and at last check he was also sporting three chins, but do not worry Mr. Torre for the almighty L.A. scene will get man sculpting in no time.

You Can Bet On It...week 9

Week Eight:
6 - 7 Losses....who knew the Dolphins would cover and the Rams are really that bad?

Week Nine has 11 out of 14 games with the line 4 and under...and one of the games with a larger spread is the Colts and Patriots...should be a fun week.


Washington Redskins at NY Jets (+3.5)

Pennington finally gets benched this week meaning that the Jets receivers can actually run routes longer then 25 yards.

PICK: Redskins

Green Bay Packers at Kansas City Chiefs (-1.5)

Brett Favre is so fun to watch. Brett Favre is so fun to watch. Brett Favre is so fun to watch.

Sincerely,

The NFL

PICK: Packers

Arizona Cardinals at Tampa Bay Bucs (-3.5)

Is it weird that I really love 'Zona coming off a bye week? Is it even more weird that I kind of miss Kurt Warner's wife?

PICK: Cardinals

Carolina Panthers at Tenn Titans (-4)

Steve Smith is perhaps the most unhappy player in football this year...wait, does Michael Vick still count? Cause if so, he is probably the most unhappy. But Smith is right behind him.

PICK: Titans

San Fran 49ers at Atlanta Falcons (-3)

My God the Niners are awful.

PICK: Falcons

Jacksonville Jags at New Orleans Saints (-3)

Remember when the Saints were mentioned in the same sentence as the Rams and the Dolphins? Well they have won 3 straight and there offense is very similar to the Colts and the Jags had a lot of problems stopping them.

PICK: Saints

Denver Broncos at Detroit Lions (-3)

I would love to see Kitna play in his Halloween costume...might be the only chance the Broncos have stopping the red hot Lion's offense.

PICK: Lions

San Diego Chargers at Minn Vikings (+7)

I'll give you 20 bucks if you can name one WR on the Vikings.

PICK: Chargers

Seattle Seahawks at Cleveland Browns (-1)

It's tragic cause at the end of this season the Browns are going to get rid of Derek Anderson and start from scratch with Brady Quinn next year. And then next year Quinn will be known as the other Brady.

PICK: Browns

Houston Texans at Oakland Raiders (-3)

Remember Techno Bowl when no teams could tackle Bo Jackson? That was pretty awesome. Anyway, who ever has more success on the ground this week wins...I say the Raiders.

PICK: Raiders

Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles (+3)

My two worlds collided this week when Tony Romo was seen getting a lap dance from Britney Spears here in LA. I wonder if Andy Reid as ever had a lap dance...

PICK: Cowboys

New England Patriots at Indianapolis Colts (+5.5)

Brady may win this battle but I still say Manning was better on SNL.

PICK: Patriots

Cinn At Buffalo (+1)

Buffalo has no clue who there QB is so I have no clue who will win the game.

PICK: CINN (-1)

Baltimore Ravens at Pittsburgh Steelers (-9)

If TD's were 3 points and field goals were 6, I would totally pick the Ravens.

PICK: Steelers

Not that anybody cares, but the NBA started....

Watching an NBA game in late October is as exciting as watching an NBA game in March. Horrifically awful. As I've mentioned before, the NBA off the court is so much more enjoyable than anything they can do in a game, and Commissioner David Stern seems to know the state of his sport so he decided to release some smack down.

When asked about the state of the Knicks, Stern told ESPN: "It demonstrates that they're not a model of intelligent management. There were many checkpoints along the way where more decisive action would have eliminated this issue."

Since he retired from playing ball, anything Isiah Thomas has touched turns to complete crap and the Knicks are no exception. Coupled with terrible ownership, one of the elite franchises in sports, let alone basketball, has become a laughing stock with this summer's sexual harassment suite, and might as well be writing "How To Not Run a Franchise, Coach a Team, and Do Just About Anything." It's his follow up to his series of seminars entitled "Secual Harrasment and You: How To Degrade Your Female Employees and Keep Your Job." The seminars last for about 20 seconds, with Isiah just simply saying "How do you do it....get a job working for Jim Dolan. Good night everybody!!"

Curt Schilling is 12 year old girl.

Curt Schilling stated during his weekly radio spot that, "There's a very realistic chance I won't ever play with them again," in regards to his Red Sox teammates. Schilling was 9-8 with a 3.87 ERA, and made $13 million this season.

"A one-year deal is all I'm looking for," Schilling said, adding that he expected to file for free agency over the next few days. "If truly, physically, I was at the end of my rope, this would be the ultimate way to walk away. I don't think I'm there."

Curt apparently spent the last few days writing good bye notes to his teammates. Awww, how cute. Wait.....is this baseball or the 7th grade? Through my imagination I was able to obtain a copy of one of the letters Curt wrote to a teammate.

Dear Josh,
The World Series was totally cool. I am so glad that we are friends. I am so glad I got to play with you. I hope you liked playing with me. Did you hear about Varitek, I hate him now. I totally liked that girl and he gave her gum which is not cool because I drew her a picture of me and her on a horse. Sometimes my mom is so annoying, she won't stop asking me to clean my room. Do you think Ortiz is fatter than me? What about Youkilis? When he asked me if I though his beard was rad I lied and told him that it was bitching. We were at Hot Topic, I bought some fart spray. Anyway, I have to go and clean out my closet because my mom will not shut up.

Red Sox 4eva. Curt

How endearing. Schilling truly is a man's man.

My Fantasy World...

I have been eliminated from my fantasy football league since the second week of September so this year I decided to join a NBA fantasy league for my first time. Whoa, whoa...don't stop reading yet! I know what you are thinking...the NBA sucks. And you are right. But I figured may be it is a good thing that I hate the league so much...I have no invested interest in any team, player, the 3 teams that don't make the playoffs, the jersey colors, or the always interesting 6th man of the year race. I can choose anyone I want and route for them against any team they are playing! Perfect.

So last night I wrote my 150 dollar check and entered the 14 team league. Oh, did I mention that I drew the number one pick? Here's how the scoring works:

Each week, every team will start:
2G
2F
1C
1U (Utility can be any position)

Head to Head League Scoring:

Each team will start 6 players that will be used to score points every week. We will be using the following 6 categories for scoring:
Points
Rebounds
Assists
Steals
Blocks
Turnovers (minus)

Hopefully that makes sense. So after grabbing a couple slices of pizza and a bottled water I waited for all the bitching to end and the draft to begin. Yes - every fantasy league has bitching and problems. With a league that doesn't take in account field goal percentage, number of three's made, free throws, etc it really just comes down to who is going to pile on the most stats... This leaves 3 obvious choices for my number one pick. King James, Garnett, and Kobe. Now, since I hate Kobe it really came down to Lebron and Garnett. I actually really didn't spend to much time deciding, it simply came down to Garnett is at a new home with 2 other really good players on the team and the much younger Lebron, who is coming off his first run to the Championship game not to mention some dudes named Varejao and Pavlovic are holding out. So I chose Lebron.

Just because I know you are wondering how the rest of the first round went down here it is; Kobe, Garnett, Howard, Nowitski, Arenas, Staudamire, Anthony, Bosh, McGrady, Nash, Yao, Gasol, and Marion....

My strategy for the rest of the draft was to draft starters, and whose names I could pronounce...sorry Andre Igouldala you only fit one of my criterias. My next two picks were Kidd (averages a triple double) and Michael Redd (somebody in Milwaukee has to score)... I really wanted a center here, but I didn't feel there was a big enough name out there. Lucky me Andrew Bogut stuck around for my 4th round pick. Not too shabby if he stays healthy. So now I was only missing a forward to complete my starting line up (minus the flex)...and with Danny Granger, Rip Hamilton, and Ron Arrest still on the board I went with my gut and grabbed Kevin Durant. He will be the go to guy in Seattle... I figure he'll average at least 20 points, 8 boards, 5 assists, a steal and a couple blocks. Now I just need his ankle to get healthy.

I won't bore you with all the details from the draft...Shaq went with pick 93 in round 7 and some dude took Elton Brand, who is out until Feb/March, with the 68th pick in round 5. I pretended it was a stupid pick, but I think it is genius. He will probably win the league.

Oh, and I had the last pick in the draft. Who did I choose? Bobby Simmons. It was either him or Zaza Pachulia.

Commenting......

I received a few e-mails from now loyal readers who want to comment, and they were unable to because they did not have a blogger ID.

Good news, anybody can comment now.......all 3 of you!!!! Enjoy.

Brett Favre is the prettiest girl in school...and other QB happenings.

- Sport fans, this could be the last time we talk about Bret Favre playing on Monday Night. I mean it, this could have been his last Monday Night game ever. I'm tearing up as I write this, the drama over the last few years of not knowing when and where the last great Brett Favre milestone will occur and how it will happen has been heart wrenching and overwhelming. I guess it's fitting that he ended the game with an 82 yard TD pass. I think Jaworski swallowed his own neck with excitement. Stay tuned for more Brett Favre ass-kissing excitement!

- Tony Romo signed a 6 year, $67 million deal, with $30 million of it guaranteed. With that kind of dough Romo can now pretend to date two American Idol contestants at once.

- Kellen Clemens will replace Chad Pennington as the Jets starting QB this Sunday against Washington. SURPRISE!!!! The Jets at 1-7 have made QB change. I think this is just another brilliant move by the Mangenius....funny how reality smacks you in the face when your not surprising anybody and playing a last place schedule.

- The Buffalo Bills have backed themselves into a QB controversy, and it's not like a Joe Montana - Steve Young type QB controversy. Apparently their standards have fallen to a level that a QB that has thrown 1 TD and 5 INT's is being considered as a legit starter. After that nice run in the early 90's, I'm sure it's hard for Bill fan to squeeze into his Kelly jersey and make his way out to the Ralph to root on his Bills. The only thing Buffalonians love more than their Bills are trans-fats.

Nobody likes OJ Simpson, not even Jesus.

Michael McClinton became the third man to cop a plea and agree to testify against OJ Simpson. OJ and his co-defendants face 12 criminal charges, including kidnapping, armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, conspiracy and coercion, and one gross misdemeanor, conspiracy to commit a crime. If convicted, sentencing should range between 5 years and life without probation.

I would wish death on somebody before a trip to prison. But I really have no problem with smiling and going on with my day when thinking about OJ going to prison.

I'm hoping OJ has watched "The Longest Yard", both the Sandler version and the original with Burt Reynolds. During my years as a park ranger I came to realize that life is just like a movie, and if OJ plays his cards right he could be back playing football, which sources say, is the best way of avoiding gang rape while in prison. Karma is a bitch Orenthal, just ask her common-law husband Lucas, she never cooks after getting back from the late shift at Satin Dolls on Rte 17 in Lodi, NJ. Be sure to stop by for the lunch buffet, fresh shrimp daily!

Joe Girardi likes to be unfairly measured.

Apparently the Yankees like guys named Joe. Reports are saying that Joe Girardi will be the next Yankee Manager, and that the official word should come sometime today or Tuesday. Girardi would be following Joe Torre, who was the Yankee manager for 12 years, making the playoffs all 12 of those years. the other candidates for the job were former Yankee 1st baseman and fan favorite Don Mattingly, and current Yankee 1st base coach Tony Pena. Girardi played for the Yankees from 1996-1999 and was the teammate of a few current Yankees, such as Derek Jeter, Andy Petite, Jorge Posada, and Mariano Rivera.

I think Mattingly was the right choice here. This new Yankee front office seems to like to be in the driver seat, as does Girardi. He was the NL manager of the year in 2006, only to be fired because of disputes with the owner and front office. I wouldn't go as far as to call myself psychic, but I'd definitely take your $15, tell you that you're going to live to be 49, have an ugly wife, and that Joe Girardi doesn't make it past two seasons.

In the end, I am so fucking happy that the Yankees hired somebody, especially since A-Rod has already opted out. I for one have had my fill of annoying Yankee fodder. In fact, this will be the last Yankee post unless Brian Cashman admits to wearing women's underwear or Hank Steinbrenner suffocates a group of migrant workers for fun. In fact, if I slip and do put up a Yankee-centric post, I will submit myself to punishment. I mean real punishment, dominatrix, nipple claps, and leather paddles. What?? What's wrong with that? It's not like I'd enjoy being called a sniveling worm or maggot while Mistress Tonya punches me in the back of my head. I mean come on, thats just hot...I mean weird. Now tell me to shut up.

By the way, there was a World Series won by the Red Sox.

The Boston Red Sox have won the 2007 World Series by sweeping the Colorado Rockies in four games. While Red Sox fans should have been on the edge of their seats rooting for their team to hang on to win their 2nd World Series in 4 years, and Rockie fans hoping that their team can hang in there and try to steal a game, we all got to listen to an innings worth of A-Rod news.

First off, as a baseball fan I'm glad that Boston won over the Rockies. I would rather see a World Series win in a baseball city (i.e., Boston, New York, Chicago, St, Louis, etc), than by a franchise that was established in the 90's and uses marketing phrases like "Welcome to Rock-tober", and consists of a line-up of seemingly identical 6'1, average looking guys with a perpetual stupid look implanted on their faces, (see: Troy Tulowitzki and Garret Atkins). Champions should have some personality, like me, I'm a champion and I have an award winning personality.

As far as Douch-Rod, and his super-agent Scott Boras, making the announcement that he would opt out of his current contract with the Yankees during 2nd inning of a World Series game (and announced by FOX a few innings later), marketing brilliance - pompous and annoying - but brilliant none-the-less. Nobody likes D-Rod to begin with, so there's no love lost anywhere and except for the Boston area, the world of baseball...hell...sports, is talking about him. If not for the upcoming Colts-Pats game next Sunday I think we'd be looking at full week of Boras and his bloated face yapping about how he's not going to talk about any negotiations. Let's just hope he wipes the pieces of the baby panda he just ate off his face before he gets on camera, it's just embarrassing otherwise.

Showtime!!!!

The NBA regular season for the most part has become null and void. There are no real races to get into the play-offs because half the league makes the post-season., thus sucking out any drama from the games. The only source of entertainment comes from off-the-court comments and incidents.....and occasionally in-the-stands incidents, (thank you Ron Artest & Stephen Jackson).

After the Lakers practiced on Saturday Phil Jackson questioned Kobe Bryant's commitment to the Lakers and to basketball, saying;

"Obviously he hasn't thrown his heart and soul into performing on the floor," Jackson told reporters after practice Saturday. "That hurts me a little bit. … He was going to work at this thing and [would] put his full being into this. Right now, he's having a hard time doing that."

Kobe of course disagreed, but who really cares. We need to stop this insane trade talk, and start some insane reality TV talk. I propose that we bring Britney Spears into the mix. She's certifiable, a complete mess, and loves to look like a complete ass in the media, so the Lakers should hire her as a PR rep that travels with the team. More specifically, Kobe Bryant.

We all know that Kobe has a thing for trashy, nutty white chicks, and Britney loves white dudes who try and "act black". It's a perfect fit. This is reality TV gold.....hello E? VH1? Where the hell are you on this one? During off days they can go BMXing with Andrew Bynum, cooking classes with Luke Walton, and of course Britney talks Kobe into a manicure. Naturally Brit will have an off the wall, effiminite male assistant that makes Bryant and the rest of the Lakers uncomfortable. The best episode will be when Kobe's Latina piece of ass wife, Vanessa, demands to come on the road to monitor the relationship........can somebody say awkward tension? Because I can. Can somebody also say Nobel Prize? Because this show is a mortal lock, eat your heart out Gerhard Ertl.

NFL Europe

The New York Giants and Miami Dolphins completed the first regular season NFL game outside of North America, with the Giants winning 13-10. This game was uglier than most of the women I've slept with, but then again I do date super models and academy award winning actresses, so that really isn't much of a comparison.

The field was a big factor and the rain didn't help matters either. Both starting RB's had solid days, Brandon Jacobs with 131 for the Giants, and journeyman Chatman had a hard fought 79 yards for the Phins. Despite the poor level of play and lack of big, flashy passing plays I think the Brit crowd enjoyed the game. Football is born from Rugby, (which is still a huge sport in England), and when a game is dominated by the run, resembles rugby. Even so, football is the only truly American sport and it would have been nice to see high scoring, pass heavy game to show-off to the world.

The patented FOX commentary genius came when Tony Siragusa brought up the lopsided exchange rate, because all football fans want to hear commentary on international monetary exchange rates vs. the US sub-prime mortgage lending crisis from a retired defensive lineman from New Jersey. Although I don't know why they decided to stop with the Big Ben the clock/Big Ben Rothlesberger jokes, those were witty and hilarious....hilarious!