Michigan?? Anyone? Michigan?

LSU head football coach Les Miles signed a contract extension Thursday to keep him at the university through 2012, apparently ending speculation that he might leave for a job at the University of Michigan. The contract doesn't change Miles' salary, which already will rise to at least $2.8 million annually based on LSU's Southeastern Conference championship this year. An SEC championship win requires Miles' salary to be at least the third highest in the conference.

Hey, if you're into bucolic Baton Rouge as opposed to lovely Ann Arbor, more power to you. But apparently alumni ties doesn't trump the chances of a college football dynasty, which LSU has a chance to become. Plus the shrimp. You ever eat shrimp from Michigan? Exactly.

Also, Greg Schiano has turned away Michigan and will remain the football coach at Rutgers.

"I was contacted earlier this week about the Michigan coaching vacancy, but I have decided to remove my name from consideration," Schiano said in a statement. "I look forward to our third straight bowl game and to bringing a national championship to Rutgers and the state of New Jersey. I will have no further comment."

Wow, so the big, bad Blue was rebuffed twice in one week after Lloyd Carr's retirement. Despite temporary valley's amongst the peaks, Michigan Football is a top gig, and I don't see why coaches aren't clamoring for this position, especially Schiano. Last season he turned down Miami's offer to remain at Rutgers, to build up the program, which he has had success doing so far. I respect his commitment to the program...cough cough Tim Sabian cough cough, but can you really turn down two lucrative offers in two years?

Hey, if you're into bucolic Piscataway as opposed to lovely Ann Arbor, more power to you. I mean, I'm sure there are things that you can get in Jersey that you can't get in Ann Arbor. You know, like McDonalds? I'm at a loss........

FYI - Michigan's list of potential candidates still includes Wake Forest's Jim Grobe, California's Jeff Tedford, Missouri's Gary Pinkel, North Carolina State's Tom O'Brien, Ball State's Brady Hoke, Michigan offensive coordinator Mike DeBord and Wolverines defensive coordinator Ron English.

Oh the pictures of the Jessica Alba and Grace Park? Would you rather I put a picture of a middle aged white dude with a scowl?

Draft me, I'm Heisman.

The four Heisman finalists have been announced. They are, Hawaii quarterback Colt Brennan, Missouri quarterback Chase Daniel, Arkansas running back Darren McFadden and Florida quarterback Tim Tebow.

Tim Tebow is widely considered the favorite due to his combined (running and throwing) 40+ TD's, despite being a sophomore,Florida's 9-3 record, anf finishing 3rd in the SEC East division. That being said, McFadden led his razorbacks to an 8-4 record, good for 3rd in the SEC West, despite his 1725 rushing yards and 5.7 yards per carry average.

Brennan had the privilege of running the Shoot and Run offense at Hawaii, who went undefeated at 12-0, passing for 4,174 yards and 38 touchdowns. He also set the major college record for career touchdown passes with 131. Chase Daniel, despite passing for 4,170 yard and 33 TD's (to 10 INT's), appears to be the long shot. I think it's a shame Oregon's Dennis Dixon injured himself, he would have ran away with the trophy this year.

I should get a vote in this damn race. Twoseamer has more than proven it's redemable value in this forsaken society. Give us some love NCAA.

How Lee would decide his Heisman vote - I wouldn't place my vote for Tebow, even with those gaudy stats. After it's run for the National Championship was over Florida played it's games to get Tebow the Heisman. I think those stats would be more impressive if it came in an organic way, within the flow of the game. Not to mention, Brennan threw for 38 TD's, which is as equally impressive as Tebow's 20/20 achievement.

However, you can argue that Brennan should have gotten those stats considering the offense he's in. Most of the Rainbow Warrior's plays are passes out of the shotgun, and Brennan throws to three incredible WR's - although a Heisman candidate should not be judged on his teammates surrounding him. He should be judged on his level of execution. Which all four of these candidates did at a high level.

Chase Daniel is an excellent Quarterback, a great leader, and he almost had his team in the National Championship, which is something the other candidates can't say. As with Brennan and Hawaii, you can argue that the Mizzou schedule wasn't as rigorous as the one McFadden and Tebow had to face with their respective teams. The big knock on Daniel is that he didn't come up big when it counted, and with a weaker schedule if you don't show up for one of the few huge games your team plays, it sticks out.

My vote goes for McFadden. Yes, his team lost 4 times and was basically out of contention for any sort of high bowl game for most of the year. My reasoning;

a) He's the only RB amongst the four, and obviously stands out at his position.

b) He ran for 1,700+ yards in a division that prides itself on stopping the run.

c) McFadden was his team. It's much harder to gain 1,700 yards on the ground when the defense knows the ball is going to you, than it is for a QB throwing.

d) McFadden is hands down the best football player of the four. As I said before, my knock on Tebow is that Florida's season was to get him the Heisman. That's not the best player, that's a really good player, in a perfect system at the perfect time. McFadden just ran around, over, and through Defense's...all talent, no system.

Go Darren....plus I cannot get enough of you talking on camera. Here's to the Arkansas Satte Board of Education, way to not let them slip throught he cracks!

More Hot Stove.

The lovable Andruw Jones has signed a 2 year, $36.2 million contract. The 30-year-old right-handed hitter had 368 home runs and 1,117 RBIs in 12 seasons with the Atlanta Braves, including 51 home runs in 2005.

At the start of the 2007 season Jones was on the verge of that huge, long-term contract that all players dream of, only to sign a 2 year deal. In all fairness, it is for $36 Mil, but what would have he gotten if he hit .250 and 30 HR (as opposed to .225 and 26 HR).

Needless to say, Jones is far from the prototypical Joe Torre player. While he is an absolute wiz in the field, he's a strike out waiting to happen and was never the poster boy for hustle. He is however, the poster boy for stupid annoying faces that you just want to smack the shit out of.

They're Grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat

The Detroit Tigers have taken the Hot Stove lead, and trumped and Johan Santana talk....at least temporarily.

The Tigers have traded verified can't miss prospects lefty SP Andrew Miller, to-be-slugger Cameron Maybin and a four other highly touted prospects to the Marlins for LHP Dontrelle Willis and savant slugger Miguel Cabrerra.

This insane trade makes Detroit one of the two best teams in the Al, if not the majors, and possibly the best pending the BoSox/Twins Santana swap. This is a line-up that have triple hitting machine Granderson in the lead-off spot followed by Cabrerra, new SS Edgar Renteria, Magglio Ordonez, and the ageless Gary Sheffield. However Jim Leyland decided to bat them really doesn't matter, that's a tough line-up to get through.

The bigger question is how will Cabrerra react to the smaller Latino community in Detroit as opposed to Miami. More importantly, the smaller Latino female community in Detroit. Word is that Tigers are addressing this situation and plan to ship in women from South American countries. Ain't NAFTA great!! Oh wow, here's a pic of a hot Latina chick, Eva Mendes. Go figure.

Christmas comes early in Detroit

In what could quite possibly be one of the best post season moves in years, the Detroit tigers just got really serious on winning. The aquisition has quickly turned the Tigers into arguaebly the #2 team in baseball to the Redsox.

Hey Junior Varsity! Oh I mean National League, wake up and do something this winter besides snow angels. Cabrera and Willis bring a youthful enthusiasm to a team that got fat real quick after 2006. With these key aquisitions the Tigers have found 2 players that have at least 8 productive years left in the tank, if Cabrera stays away from his pension for second helpings and booze. Willis will immediately look as though he is a throw back from the 1930's with the crooked cap, and baggy pants, and the script D.

Meanwhile, Joe Torre has taken his NY state of mind to L.A. and overpaid for an over the hill, and overweight, Andruw Jones.

In other news the Florida Marlins have published their revised 2008 schedule which includes the Tidewater Tide, Columbus Clippers, Rochester Redwings and the Duval County AAU under 16 travel team. As this is being written Hank Steinbrenner has just made another report to the Twoseamer that the talks with Minnesota are really, really, really over. Check back tomorrow to see when Hank will stick his foot in his mouth once again.

Ill communication

The BCS has released it's Bowl alignments, the Pats are undefeated, the MLB Winter Meetings are currently taking place, and the NBA is actually pretty entertaining aside from the running joke that is the Knicks. There is a lot to comment on, but I am experiencing that slow death that is the flu. I'll be out of commission at least for today, but here is what to expect for the next couple days, weeks, months, and years.

-John Anthony vs. Lee - Predictions for each Bowl game, the 900-King tries to crush the webmaster himself.
-Full Winter Meeting recaps, and the Hank Steinbrenner watch, eventually his neck is going to swallow it's head and it's only a matter of time.
-Our belated NCAA Hoops preview
-Plus more pics of chicks in their underwear.

I'm going to medicate.........

Around the NFL......

Here are a few game recaps.

-The New York Jets help to keep the dream alive by beating the Miami Dolphins 40-13. The Dolphins are now winless at 0-12. I'm finding that I only want to watch Dolphin games from here on out, the futility is breathtaking.

-Eagles Quarteback AJ Feeley came scorching back to earth, going 19-42 with 4 picks in a 28-24 loss to the Seahawks. With this loss the impending QB controversy in Philly cooled off a ton, along with a lot of hope for a playoff birth in the log jam that is the NFC playoff picture, at 5-7. The Seahawks are 8-4 sitting atop the NFC West.

-Eli Manning was able to shake-off 114 minutes of horrendous play (beginning in his 4 INT stinker against Minnesota) to bring the Giants back to win it on the road in Chicago 21-16, by leading two 4th quarter TD drives. All but 3 of the Bears points were off of turnovers. We can sit here and pick Manning apart, but he did bring the NYG back to win and an 8-4 record. Rex Grossman must already be thinking about his New Years plans because he threw the most meaningless 296 yards ever. The Bears, at 5-7, might have just said good-bye to the playoffs.

-In the first game since the death of Sean Taylor, the Washington Redskins were beaten on a last second FG by the Buffalo Bills 17-16. The Redskins came out playing the first snap on defense with 10 men, the Safety spot was empty in honor of Taylor. I think this tragedy hit the Skins harder than anybody could really imagine. You would have thought they would have came out and rolled over the Bills (6-6), (think Tiki Barbers 200 yard game a few seasons back when the Giants owner passed away). The final 4 games might be pretty bleak for the 5-7 Redskins.

-With 17 seconds left, QB Luke McCown led the Buccaneers to a game winning TD, which gave the Bucs a 27-23 win over the New Orleans Saints. Tampa Bay is 8-4 and is sitting comfortably on top of the NFC South. The Saints, who were the toast of last season, fell to 5-7 and after appearing in the NFC Championship game last season are mostly going to be sitting the playoffs out this time around.

See other scores here.......

Tennis anyone?

The U.S. team takes a 2-0 lead into the doubles match Saturday, with a chance to claim the Davis Cup title for the first time since 1995. The top-ranked brother tandem Bob and Mike Bryan are slated to face Russians Nikolay Davydenko and Igor Andreev.

On Friday, Andy Roddick cruised past some other guy with an unpronouncable name 6-4, 6-4, 6-2 in the opening match and James Blake outlasted another Russian dude who's name I'm to lazy to copy and paste 6-3, 7-6 (4), 6-7 (3), 7-6 (3) on the hard court at Memorial Coliseum.

So, I got nothing. Tennis hasn't been exciting since the early 90's, which is evident in that Anna Kournikova's panties (see right) and Martina Hingis's (see here) use of blow get more press than anything done on a tennis court within the past 6-7 years.

The Knicks are having fun.

I write a lot about the Knicks. Some say this coverage is bias because I went about 6 years without missing a game, cried when Ewing scored his 20,000 point, and at one time was adamant about naming my first son John Starks. I'm told that I should be talking about the Celtics, Lebron having a career year, and the quiet machine that is the Spurs. Well, have you seen the Knicks lately?? I admit, my attention is always drawn to the Knicks, but c'mon folks, this is a train wreck that you cannot ignore.

Last night the New York Knicks fell to the upstart Boston Celtics 104-59. Yes, they lost by 45 points. I think they should have gave up much earlier in the game and made it a cool 50. As I've stated before, the worse Isiah looks, the more support he seems to gain from owner extraordinaire James Dolan.

Does anybody remember that Thomas is one of the best PG's of all time? That he lead the Detroit Pistons to back-to-back NBA Championships? It's unbelievably hard to tarnish those achievements, so you have to give Isiah credit in that sense. When you fail, you might has well fail spectacularly. There's really nothing to do but point and laugh.

In the dark.....

Tonight's Green Bay at Dallas game, is this seasons marque match-up in the NFC, and will most likely mean home field advantage for the playoffs.

Unfortunately, many of us will not be able to see this game as it's on the NFL Network. All of you lucky bastards with Verizon or the Comcast Digital package, amongst a few others, will get to watch the game in the lovely, warm confines of your couch and stuffing your fat face with all the delectable garbage you can get your hands on. I'll be standing outside of Best Buy watching from the street.

Speaking of whores, the Thanksgiving dinner that both Romo and Jessica Simpson attended was set-up by her dad, Joe Simpson. This dude loves to pimp out his daughter, its insane. As for Romo......Homeboy, you are the QB for the Dallas Cowboys for heaven's sake. Are you this starved for attention that you need to pull gimmicks like this? Come on, have a little self-respect and do all of us untalented slobs a favor, and dive head first into the skank-filled pool that is the Dallas social scene. There's no shame in it, I'd do it, all the strapping young men who read this blog would do it, as well as the fat ones.

As far as the game, I think Green Bay is a better team but I'm not sure that home field advantage doesn't play into this game. It'll be Favre's job to get his young skill players calm, and in the groove. It'll be a close one, I'm taking the Pack with the 7 points. It just seems like too much to give, especially when it's a very real possibility that the Packers could win.

The Twins love the Hot Stove as much as me.

Johan Santana is the big name regarding trade rumors this baseball off-season, with teams like the Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, and the Dodgers offering up prospects by the truck load. While this may be the centerpiece of the Twins off-season, they don't seem to be forgetting about other parts of their team.

As part of a 6 player trade the Twins dealt SP Matt Garza to the Devil Rays for OF Delmon Young. With this trade, the Twins fill the hole that Torii Hunter left in CF, at least at the plate. This will also allow them to hold out for more pitching when teams ask about Santana. Good for them, Johan is an ace, they shouldn't give into anybody and expect a king's ransom in return.

Other Hot Stove happenings.....

-According to the St. Louis Post Dispatch, the Cardinals are looking at other options at SS before they make a run at bringing back incumbent David Eckstein. One of these possibilities is Miguel Tejada. The chances seem to be slim to none, although Pirate SS Jack Wilson seems to be the front-runner.

-Aaron Rowand thinks highly of himself, and his going to use his career year to try and get an exorbitant amount of money. Apparently GM's caught on to the whole playing-in-a-ban-box thing. The White Sox have passed on Rowand returning to roam CF for them, and apparently Red Sox CFer Coco Crisp seems to be the name they are tossing around at Cellular Field. (If the White Sox ever want to truly compete with the Cubs, they really need to come up with a different name for their ballpark).

Rowand's fate could definitely be tied to the Santana trade. If the Yankees end up parting with Melky Cabrerra then Rowand could be sitting there to reap the Yankee windfall and take over in CF.

- The Mets are in desperate need of a top of the line starter, and it doesn't look like they have the chips to compete with the other teams in the Santana race. Instead the MEts will be looking in Oakland trying to get either Dan Haren or Joe Blanton, and as NY Newsday mentioned, it looks as if Billy Beane will be holding their feet to the fire, and they're going to have to overpay for both.

Again, a pic of a hot chick in a kitchen to signify the Hot Stove...well, not really in a hot kitchen, but who cares, Vida Guerra is pretty damn hot so it works for me. Plus I'm pretty sure most baseball players wouldn't mind sleeping with her, so this pic works on many levels.

I dislike Marko Jaric

Apparently Minnesota Timberwolves Yugoslavian swingman Marko Jaric is dating Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima, who was previously featured in our beloved blog due to her dalliance's with Supermodel OB/GYN Derek Jeter.

Jaric is averaging 9.5 ppg, 2.9 rebounds, and 4 assists over the first 13 games of this season. I'm not an expert in male beauty but Jaric is by no means as good-looking as Derek Jeter or myself, nor is he as successful in our chosen paths. (My path being that of an International Playboy and Super-Spy).

From my understanding, the Yugoslavian government is planning on naming a "Marko Jaric Day" due to this achievement, and I really cannot blame them. I would put a pic of both Lima and Jaric but it would just piss you off for not being born a 6'9 European with marginal basketball skills. Here's the lovely Adriana, put Marko out of your mind and pretend she's at your house, cooking you chocolate chip pancakes and sleeping with the plumber. Ah, women.

Top 5 Freshmen....... not named OJ or Love

Well folks, arguably the most entertaining sport is back and to the delight of this 2-seamer contributor the freshman crop looks impressive. I don't know if my love for college hoops is driven by the fact that it is fun to watch basketball where the guys actually give effort, (Mr. Stern are you listening), or the fact that in November I love bracketology, but college hoops is back!

I have outlined five players that are show stoppers at the collegiate level and I am encouraging to catch them before they jump to the NBA next year to ride the pine next to Penny Hardaway.

Eric Gordon out of Indiana. Yes folks finally Indiana has a player that can shoot the lights out, but will also look for the opportunity to give you a facial while taking it hard to the rim. He's also partial to a mani/pedi down the lane as well.

Kyle Singler out of Duke. Ok, I know it is the token white guy, but what would you expect. He has the complete game; inside and outside. Don't look for him to give you a major dunk but he will be that guy with 18 points & 10 rebounds & 6 assists. Talented white dudes just love going to Duke. I think it's all the chicks in loafers.

Donte Green with Syracuse. He is one of 2 Mcdonalds all Americans driving Boeheim nuts, having to start a freshman. This kid is a baller. At 6' 11'' he can jump out of the gym or take you behind the arc and shoot with confidence. Plus his name is Donte, spelled without any unnecessary punctuation, and that's always appreciated.

Derrick Rose with Memphis. The kid can flat out handle the rock. He is perfect fit for Calipari's attacking offense, and should be an easy 15 points and 12 assists guy. Rose is the prototypical Calipari one-and-done player.

Michael Beasley. Any kid out of Massachusetts that chooses to go to Kansas St. must have some issues, but at the end of the day he is a complete show stopper.

Please take some time to watch these great teenagers before some agent inflates their ego and convinces them it is time to go pro before they can drink a beer legally, and have the chance to sleep with sluttier white women they won't have to see in Intro to Psych 3 times a week.

$30 Mill to beat Bonds.

As anybody who has eyes knows, the Yankees are currently finalizing a deal with Alex Rodriguez for 10 years, $275 million. As part of the deal, the Yankees will give Rodriguez a $30 million pay-out if (when) he breaks Barry Bonds HR record.

I believe that a large part of the Yankees wanting to bring A-Rod back is because it's pretty imminent that he will break the HR record, and they would love to have the recorder holder back in a Yankee uniform after 30+ years. This is completely understandable, it's definitely something to be proud of and the Yankees are an organization that choke on their own pride on a daily basis.

This type of payout is pretty much commonplace in sports now-a-days, and the HR record is arguably the most prestigious record in sports, sooooo isn't the glory enough for A-Rod? Does he try to polarize himself with the common baseball fan on purpose? On top of having the personality of a bath towel and the tact of a drunk sorority chick, he seems to be a masochist as well. I guess that would make that blonde chick in Toronto the sadist, which explains why she was carrying the ball-peen hammer and pliers. Oh no wait, that's my life. Sorry for the mix-up.

Mark Prior is probably injured.

According to Buster Olney on ESPN.com, Cubs righthander, former top prospect Mark Prior, 27, is available via trade.

Prior, had shoulder surgery this past April and is expected to pitch the 2008 season. Prior missed the 2007 season and pitched in under 60 games since his supposed breakout year in 2003 when he went 18-6 with a 2.43 ERA.

You have to feel for this guy, he can't sneeze without pulling a muscle causing him to go on the DL, which begs the question - What is a team willing to give up for an oft-injured pitcher who hasn't pitched a full season in 4 years?

If I'm a GM my highest offer is a really, really good Turkey Club from this joint down the block that not many people know about, but gives free pickles and a can of soda with each sandwich. I know, I know, the can of soda is risky, but bold moves are made by bold people. I'm not saying that I'm bold, but I'm not not saying that either.

A little something for South Florida

With the news of Miami native Sean Taylor's death and the current state of the Miami Dolphins, not to mention all of Miami area sports, I figured our people down in Florida could use a little cheering up by way of the skanky beauty that is Leticia Cline. But then I realized that Leticia Cline is a mere 6 on the South Beach scale, so eff those guys. This pic is for all of those in the rainy and cold Northeast, and Eli Manning. Chin up bro, I may be devastatingly handsome, but I'm no Peyton either.

R.I.P. Sean Taylor

Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor died early Tuesday, a day after he was shot at home by what police say was an intruder. He was 24.

Taylor was routinely involved in off-the-field incidents throughout his short career, including an 18-month probation for an assault charge, during which he pledged to donate time and money to various charities and schools in southern Florida.. Many teammates have noticed changes in Taylor since the birth of his daughter, Jackie.

"It's hard to expect a man to grow up overnight," said Redskins teammate and close friend Clinton Portis, who also played with Taylor at the University of Miami. "But ever since he had his child, it was like a new Sean, and everybody around here knew it. He was always smiling, always happy, always talking about his child."

"He loved football. He felt like that's what he was made to do," Redskins coach Joe Gibbs said. "And I think what I've noticed over the last year and a half ... is he matured. I think his baby had a huge impact on him. There was a real growing up in his life."

My condolences to the Taylor family. There is no official word, but it's highly speculated that this crime was gang related an was due to incidents in Taylor's past. Of course this is all speculation, but let's hope that at least one athlete that continues to surround himself with shady people and hanger-ons takes this to heart.

Shut the eff up Hank.

The New York Yankees and Minnesota Twins have started trade talks involving Johan Santana. Yankees senior vice president Hank Steinbrenner said Monday that discussions are ongoing but it was too early to tell whether they would lead to a deal. He did not detail how far talks had progressed.

"I don't want to get into that at this point, as far as what they want, what we're willing to give and all that," he said. "It's preliminary right now."

Then why say something?? Hank, George's kid, has been in charge of the team for a few months, which is as long as he has been involved with any dealings regarding the Yankees. Yet, for some reason he likes to take credit for anything the Yankees have done since his father bought the team 30ish years ago.

As opposed to the late 90's, when teams just gave the Yankees players for next to nothing, it looks like the Twins will not go without being justly compensated for Santana, who is widely considered one of the best pitchers in baseball, if not the best.

The Twins are deep in pitching throughout their organization but it seems as if they are asking for at least two pitching prospects (definitely Phil Hughes, and either Ian Kennedy and Joba Chamberlin) and some bats (Melky Cabrera and most likely Robinson Cano as well).

UPDATE: Hank Steinbrenner is also asking for a 50% off coupon, good at all Minneapolis area Old County Buffet establishments.....you know, because he's a fat bastard, and fat bastards eat a lot.

Thank you Pittsburgh

Jeff Reed's 24-yard field goal with 17 seconds left Monday night gave Pittsburgh a 3-0 victory over Miami, the first time in 64 years an NFL game went that long without any points.

"Those conditions, whew, they were horrendous," Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward said after daylong rain and new sod created awful playing conditions. "The footing was bad, all of a sudden you'd hit a water puddle and sink down. Some of defensive backs were scared about falling down and giving up a big play."

The dream season stays alive. I must admit that I was nervous towards the end of the game. You had a feeling that a ball, or fumble, had to bounce Miami's way eventually. But no, further proving that destiny wants the symmetry of two perfect seasons (the Pats 16-0 vs. Miami's impending 0-16). Bright side, at least Miami gets the first pick in the draft. I'm almost pretty sure they won't screw it up.

Sean Taylor shot.

Washington Redskins star safety Sean Taylor was shot in the leg at his home Monday and was bleeding heavily, and police said he was in critical condition. They are investigating a possible robbery.

Officers were sent to Taylor's home at about 1:45 a.m. after his girlfriend called 911 and said he was shot in his lower body, Lt. Nancy Perez said. He was airlifted to Jackson Memorial Hospital, she said, but did not disclose how many times he was shot.

"It could have been a possible burglary; it could have been a possible robbery," Perez said. "It has not been confirmed as yet."

Man, that's terrible. I'm sure the first thought will be about the company Taylor keeps, especially since he played at Miami, which is a bastion of character building and righteousness [sarcasm].

Get well Sean.