America's Got Taste

Paris Hiltons new movie, "the Hottie and the Nottie" made a total of $27,696 during the first three days of its release. It was released on 111 screens, and with my superior math skills I conclude that that comes out to about $250 per screen.

This has been widely panned as one of the worst movies ever made, but it's not like horrific reviews has ever stopped people from going to see a flick. I'm hoping this is the bell ringing on the public's tolerance of Paris Hilton, meaning that idiots everywhere woke up from a deep sleep with the revelation, "why do I continue to pay attention to this pampered, slutty, idiotic, stupid, moronic, ungrateful, annoying, tramp?"

More importantly, who are the freaks that collectively spent this $27K? Do we have to keep them alive? Isn't this enough evidence to prove that they are a danger to our society? We should cancel deer hunting season, and from here on out hunt Paris Hilton fans and supporters. Man, that'd be fun. I'd finally have a reason to buy a gun.

Owen Wilson is funny.

Below is a clip of Owen Wilson guest hosting the Ellen show. This might be the first time anything on the Ellen show made anybody laugh. Good job Owen, great to see your back on your feet.

Democrats Hate Baseball

If anyone wasted 4 hours like myself there were a couple major points you could pull out of the congressional hearings of Roger Clemens.

1. Members of the Republican party love Roger. They spent the entire hearing beating up Mr. MacNamara and destroying his credibility.

2. Now that Roger has left baseball "gotten off the secret sauce" he is looking chubby.

3. Andy Petitte is no longer on Rogers Christmas list.

4. I can only begin to imagine the cost of this mess on capital hill, not in Roger's credibility but to us as tax payers.

We blew millions of dollars for 2 guys to spend 4 hours saying "No you are the liar!" Call your local political rep., and let them know that you dont appreciate your tax dollars spent on questions like, "What uniform will you where into the hall of fame?"

In good news the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue has been released this week. What makes the issue so great is no longer the images, but rather the men and women who subscribe to SI and immediately write to Sports Illustrated to cancel their subscription. And to those 5 people I will laugh at next issue; Cheers!

The bigger boat in the sky.

Roy Scheider, a one-time boxer whose broken nose and pugnacious acting style made him a star in "The French Connection" and who later uttered one of cinematic history's most memorable lines in "Jaws," has died. He was 75.

Scheider earned two Academy Award nominations — a best-supporting nod for 1971's "The French Connection" in which he played the police partner of Oscar winner Gene Hackman, and a best-actor nomination for 1979's "All That Jazz," the semi-autobiographical Bob Fosse film.
But he was perhaps best known for his role as a small-town police chief in Steven Spielberg's 1975 film "Jaws," about a killer shark terrorizing beachgoers — as well as millions of moviegoers.
In 2005, one of Scheider's most famous lines in the movie — "You're gonna need a bigger boat" — was voted No. 35 on the American Film Institute's list of best quotes from U.S. movies.

You can talk Jaws all you want, but I will always think of Scheider as Capt. Nathaniel Brideger from SeaQuest DSV. Hey, never underestimate a bearded guy with a pet dolphin.

Please don't go to rehab.....please!!!

Amy Winehouse is a train wreck extraordinaire. Her performance was the highlight of this past weekend's Grammy awards. If you haven't had the chance to see this phenomenal performance, see below.

I like Amy Winehouse's music, a lot. Add that amazing voice to an out of control wack job and you have a great live performance. I would say that she is Britney Spears with talent, but I think it's more like Britney is Amy Winehouse without the talent. Regardless, at the end of the day both lovely ladies make you feel good about your life.

Before you watch, a few quick notes. Why is Cuba Gooding Jr introducing her? How bad is the Grammy's that the best performance is coming from 3,000 miles away. I'm not sure who has more rhythm, her back-up singers, or her stumbling. Finally, what the hell was with the 5 seconds of Morris Day & The Time at the end of Rehanna's performance? What a joke. Those dudes have soul,and know how to work a stage.

Amy Winehouse performs at '08 Grammys
by TheDlisted

Oh, sweet misery.

Forbes.com released it's list of America's Most Miserable Cities. Topping the list is Detroit, Stockton, CA, and Flint, MI.

Wow, so Michigan is doing real well, with two of the top three cities on this list. The larger ciies that appear on this list are New York City, Philadelphia, Chicago, and Los Angeles. The main reasons that these cities appear on this list is commuting time and the digustingly high real estate prices......amen and amen. Providence, Charlotte, and Modesto, CA round out this fantastic list.

I think this list is pretty damn accurate. I'm the proof in the pudding. Try commuting 45 minutes each way, giving up a whole paycheck to a landlord, and then walk around with a big ole smile on your face. I swear, the laughter comes pouring out of you.

More hot and wet primary action.

Over the weekend it was the job of voters in Kansas, Washington State, Nebraska, Louisiana, and a very special Democrats only primary in Maine. Ooooh, so exclusive. Here are some links.

For the lack of a better term, Obama has wiped the floor with the former first lady. He gave her the proverbial bitch slap, and apparently took the lead in the Democratic primary race. He won Maine!!! You can check out Politico.com for the jist on yesterday, and the win in Maine today.

Huckabee won Kansas. Surprise!! The guy who doesn't believe in evolution won the state that voted against teaching the theory of evolution. See Wonkette.

After a rough weekend Hillary is shaking up her coaching staff, including her campaign manager. When shit goes wrong, you don't fire the players, you fire the head coach.

Cable hottie.....

Olivia Munn is a "actress", model, and the host of G4 TV’s Attack of the Show!, and an all-around hot chick.

For those not familiar, G4 is E! for so-called geeks. They provide coverage of the annual Comic-Con, which is an international comic book convention, and various Tech and Video Game trade show/conventions, and offer programming geared towards the 17-35 year old male. Of course the programming is littered with good looking broads who seem to know, or at least pretend to know, their way around a Playstation controller, such as Morgan Webb, Layla Kayleigh, and Kristin Holt. It's a solid channel, but lets get back to the lovely Olivia Munn.

Ms. Munn, or should I say the future Mrs. Fine, will appear on the cover of this month's Complex magazine. The photshoot is Olivia Munn recreating memorable poses/moments from some memorable movies. Such as the Phoebe Cates pool scene from Fast Times, and anything Kelly LeBrock from Weird Science. You can see the whole gallery here.

The beauty of the current state of cable television is that there are way too many channels, and there's a sea of "talented" women chomping at the bit to get their shot. Of course some of these ladies are intelligent and know what they're talking about, but let's be serious here. Most of these ladies on the fringe, upper-100/200, channels are great looking wind tunnels that can read from a tele-prompter, and have no problem feigning interest to the second rate Ryan Seacrest standing next to them. From the Reality Channel, to the Jewelry Channel, to Versus, to the Fine Living Channel, there are enough openings for skanks to go around.

While we're on the topic, Complex did a pretty good interview with Ice Cube, check it out.

What the eff....???

If you have yet to take a shower today the video below will be your motivation. In fact you might want to substitute the soap and a washcloth with bleach and steel wool.



For more awesomely creepy fun and excitement you can check out more videos with these highly trained thespians here.

Nah, the NFL don't stop......

There are various ways to prove that the NFL and MLB are the top two leagues. Whether it's TV ratings, the high number of fantasy teams/leagues, player endorsements, and of course off-season popularity.

The MLB hot stove, free agent market, is highly entertaining and due to the lack of a salary cap trading is a more frequent occurance, which adds drama to the months leading to spring trading. There's not many trades within football and due to shorter careers, NFL rarely has that high profle free agent drama. But the NFL does have a highly popular, immediate impact draft. It's not even a week after the New York Giants won the championship in one of the more entertaining Super Bowls, yet the NFL draft experts are in full swing. Tom Coughlin, the head coach of the Giants, had said himself that he, his coaching staff, and the front office, won't get a chance to fully enjoy the post-season success until they get through the draft.

Scouts, Inc. Todd McShay is a bad hair incident away from taking Mel Kiper Jr.'s job as NFL draft expert.......which I'm sure many already think it's already his. His mock draft is here, you need to be a ESPN Insider to read it, fyi. Hey why not join, with a subscription you also get the worlds worst sports magazing in the mail...but I digress.

McShay likes Matt Ryan, the Boston College QB, as the first pick in the draft going to the Dolphins. Witht he normal cast of characters accompanying Ryan at the top of the draft such as Darren McFadden, Chris Long, Jake Long, and Glenn Dorsey.

The afforementioned Kiper, has the same crew at the top of his big board, just with McFadden going number 1.

Even more off-season speculation can be found on Yahoo! Sports, with off-seaon questions posed by Charles Robinson, and Mike Florio from the SportingNews makes 10 bold predictions.

My favorite prediction is #7, that Jerry Jones will make a big splash. Two things have been proven in the NFL, a run first QB will not win you a Super Bowl, and drastic off-season changes do not automatically turn into a Super Bowl ring. Like most football fans, I hate Jerry Jones and his Cowboys, and outside of this years Giant play-off run, nothing is sweeter than watching his "face-lifted" expression when his team loses.