Back to the Pac

I was going to start this post with a witty comment about a Duck and a condom, however writing a blog is a lot like warfare. You need to know your subject to succeed, not only did I go 17 years of my life thinking that ducks were just violent animals with lisps, but I was pretty sure condoms where a CIA conspiracy to control our minds, until very recently. Nurse Jackson from Presbyterian Hospital in Brooklyn gave me some penicillin and pamphlets before sending me on my way. What a kind soul she is, she should strip, but I digress.

After Pete Carrol dominated the PAC-10 with the likes of Palmer, Leinhart, Bush, Jarret, White, etc, etc over the past few years, the 9th ranked USC Trojans seem to have lost their strangle hold on the conference with today's lost at 5th ranked Oregon. It's their second conference loss of the year, with the first being a home loss at the hands of conference bottom dweller Stanford. Still a competitive team, they could find themselves out of the top 10 when the new rankings come out, and out of the picture for the Nat'l Championship and possibly the Pac 10 title. Meanwhile the Ducks are now serious National Championship contenders on the legs of Dennis Dixon and Johnathan Stewart, with both Arizona State and UCLA still left on the schedule.

There's just way too much ridiculously hot ass on the SoCal campus to feel sorry for anybody at that school, especially if they are on an athletic team. The chicks on the Oregon campus barely shave their legs, wear wool sweaters from Sept. through May, and would rather swap Phish shows than acknowledge the football team. I hope all the Ducks get laid tonight, even if it is with a Vegetarian.

Help Wanted

Dawger and I are only one and half men, and I'm partial to my playboy lifestyle, bashing announcers, and teams that play within 10 miles of my house. While Shaun is only concerned with the line of a game, Bradgelina, and teams that like to lose, we need more input.

If anybody wants to help contribute a few posts a week, specifically concerning college football, the NBA (chuckling as I wrote that), hockey (still chuckling), or anything else you can think up in your pretty little head, give me a shout.

Yankee Multi-tasking.

The new brain trust of the Yankees have been overshadowed by that pesky thing called the World Series, and seem to be sick of all this talk about people's homes being burned in Southern California, so they released a statement saying that they are looking to set-up a meeting with A-Rod, and they are close to hiring a new manager. Of course I use the term brain trust very loosely.

Apparently Brian Cashman leaving a voice-mail for A-Rod's agent, Scott Boras, has become news. I wonder if A-Rod and Boras sat around the answering machine replaying the message, laughing, drinking black label and smoking cigars that they lit with $100 bills. Of course, they did this in between various rounds of hunting convicts that have nothing to live for except a glimpse of freedom.

I'm guessing Don Mattingly will be the new puppet, errrr Manager. As a Met fan I've always had a thing against Mattingly. For some reason he was always considered a bigger success than Keith Hernandez, even though Hernandez was as valuable to his team, won a World Series, had a better moustache, and exuded pure awesomeness. Who'd have thought a coke problem would be such a factor. Go figure.

You Can Bet On It

It's week 8 in the NFL... also known as the week before the Pats play the Colts.

Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears (-5)

Detroit won back in week 4 by 10 after the Bears defense surrendered 34 points in the 4th quarter. But that was before every 5 year old in Chicago was wearing a Brian Griese jersey.

PICK: Chicago -5

Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals (+3.5)

Do you honestly think that Pittsburgh is going to lose two straight games...better yet, do you honestly think Cincinnate is going to win 2 straight games?

PICK: Pittsburgh - 3.5

Oakland Raiders at Tennessee Titans (-7.5)

Something has to give this week when Oakland's high powered run O goes against the Titans stingy rush defense. You know what else has to give, you, to the needy, at Christmas time.

PICK: Oakland +7.5

Cleveland Browns at St. Louis Rams (+3)

Rams get everything back...well minus their entire O-Line... Regardless, Cleveland gives up a lot of yards in the air and doesn't get enough pressure on the QB. The Rams win this one straight up. You should take the over on this one too...and by that I mean I took the over on this one too.

PICK: St. Louis (+3)

NY Giants at Miami Dolphins (+9.5)

The phins play a home game across the pond. Doesn't matter where they play...especially against what perhaps could be the best team in the NFC. That's right, I said it, what are you going to do about it Dallas? Favre, just take a step back.

PICK: New York (-9.5)

Philadelphia Eagles at Minnesota Vikings (+1.5)

Anybody else think this is McNabb's final season in Philly? Vikings are number three vrs the run which means Westbrook, the Eagles, and Andy Reid's heart are in for a long day.

PICK: Minnesota (+1.5)

Indianapolis Colts at Carolina Panthers (+7)

For those of you calling this a trap game for the Colts should be locked in a room and be forced to watch Payton Manning commercials for one straight day...no I take that back...two straight days. *gasp*

PICK: Indianapolis (-7)

Buffalo Bills at NY Jets (-3)

The Bills are playing slightly less awful football than the Jets right now.

PICK: Buffalo (+3)

Houston Texans at San Diego Chargers (-9)

The Chargers became the first team to win on their bye week when Chris Chambers fell into their lap. And he is their 4th option...

PICK: San Diego (-9)

Jacksonville Jaguars at Tampa Bay Bucs (-3.5)

Quinn finally gets a start! What's that you say? Oh, it's Quinn Gray...starting for the injured David Garrard at QB for the Jags...

PICK: Tampa Bay (-3.5)

New Orleans Saints at San Francisco 49ers (+2.5)

The two most disappointing teams in the league this year...we don't count the Rams or Dolphins anymore. Bush is red hot right now and Gore has a slight gimp due to his ankle injury....I'll leave it to you to decide if I'm talking about the running backs or if I just flashed back to the 2000 campaign.

PICK: New Orleans (-2.5)

Washington Redskins at New England Patriots (-16.5)

Forget about trying to beat this team. Let's first start with covering the spread. This Skins team has a tough enough pass defense to at least slow them down. A couple first downs here and there and they possibly only lose by 16.

PICK: Washington (+16.5)

Green Bay Packers at Denver Broncos (-3)

For the third straight year we have to sit through the Monday Night storyline of "Could this be Brett Favre's last game EVER on Monday Night?" I have no problem being the only person in America who can't stand Brett Favre and will be the first to say he is completely playing over his head right now.

PICK: Denver (-3)

-Free NFL Predictions-

Tim McCarver

I'm not sure what's more annoying, inoperable cancer or Tim McCarver. Here's yet another great silver ball of wisdom to drop from this moron's mouth during game 1 on Wednesday. Big up to Mr. Parnell for highlighting this moment via text message.

"When you round 3rd base, the next stop is home....."

Thank you Tim, you've cleared up yet another one of life's mysteries through baseball. Now hopefully you can disprove my theory that playing in traffic is, in fact, safe.

Here's a McCarver hate site - http://www.shutuptimmccarver.com/gems.htm

College Basketball - Top 25

The ESPN/USA Today Pre-Season ranking are out, you can find them here.

The Top 25 seems to be a list of the usual suspects with UNC at the top of the heap, with UCLA, Memphis, Kansas and Georgetown rounding out the Top 5. All major conferences are represented with only Gonzaga and Southern Illinois from a mid-major (and Memphis if you like to consider Conference USA a middie).

I for one love when major conferences dominate college basketball and feel the sport is at it's best when there are dominant programs, i.e., Duke of the 90's and UCLA of the 60's and 70's. So I hope this top 25 is a prelude to the end of this mid-major "upset" madness. Mostly because I'm sick of the cliched woman in the office who wins because of a fluke run, or a number 2 losing in the first round. I hate that bitch.

Some notables - Florida, Ohio St, Syracuse, UConn, and Wisconsin are all out of the Top 25, although recieved votes.

1. North Carolina (10) 0-0 739
2. UCLA (12) 0-0 734
3. Memphis (8) 0-0 731
4. Kansas (1) 0-0 669
5. Georgetown 0-0 625
6. Louisville 0-0 620
7. Tennessee 0-0 598
8. Michigan State 0-0 503
9. Indiana 0-0 479
10. Washington State 0-0 464
11. Duke 0-0 390
12. Marquette 0-0 381
13. Oregon 0-0 360
14. Gonzaga 0-0 252
14. Texas A&M 0-0 252
16. Texas 0-0 216
17. Arizona 0-0 205
18. USC 0-0 189
19. Arkansas 0-0 173
20. Pittsburgh 0-0 160
21. Stanford 0-0 158
22. Kentucky 0-0 155
23. Southern Illinois 0-0 137
24. North Carolina State 0-0 119
25. Villanova 0-0 111

Fandom

Lock of the weak....uh, week - The Rockie organization handing out towels to their fans. I hate this practice with a passion, and it made me sick when the Mets did last year for game 7 of the NLCS. I was surprised considering NY is a baseball town and the Met fan is passionate, and that night had built up energy due to years of frustration and disappointment...some things never change. The same goes for the Phillies down the stretch and in the playoffs. The Philly fans in general are the definition of fair-weather, but it is a good sports town, and they know how to get it up for their teams.

You'd never see a mass produced towel at Fenway, Yankee Stadium, or Wrigley. I think other teams should take note.

World Series

Unfortunately, I didn't get this bad boy off the ground until after the World Series, let alone the playoffs, began. So you'll just have to take my word for it, I called the Red Sox in 5. (I actually called Boston to win it all in July, but this prediction was made on the arm of Eric Gagne, which was way off).

The approach Francona is taking towards the Boston bullpen is, do-what-needs-to-be-done-to-win." If the game is close and he needs to go to the pen we'll be seeing Okijima and then Papelbon for multiple innings. Any other situation, it's the rest of the pen. The Rockies need to steal one off of Oki and Papelbon to help dent that armor a bit. Otherwise it might look a bit bleak.

I think the lesson to be learned is lose a few games in the LCS. Nothing is worse for a hot team than not playing.....except maybe not playing and then facing arguably the most dominant post-season pitcher in the last 10 years.

Why you should care about what I have to say.

In truth, your life will be no different if you read what I have to say or not. I would prefer you absorb my thoughts like a fat guy using a piece of bread as a utensil with a big bowl of stew in front of him. Let's face it, in some countries located within the South Pacific I'm considered a genius and my opinions affect policy and their GNP.

The key ingredient to keeping a blog is pure pretension. Going through life completely blind, thinking that people actually give a shit in regards to what you say.....ignorance is bliss my friends. On that note, I'm sure your ready to bust out of your will-crushing cubicles in anticipation of my thoughts so lets get to it......